Post by Teddy Bear on Mar 28, 2011 22:51:47 GMT
A very funny satirical piece by Richard Littlejohn, that is sadly not far from the truth, and one can certainly imagine the BBC reporting in exactly the way described.
From Cairo we go live to London where things are even worse...
By Richard Littlejohn
Created 10:03 PM on 3rd February 2011
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Hello, good evening and Alluhu Akbar. Welcome to Cairo Tonight, Egypt’s top-rated news programme. I’m Ali Palli. Let’s go straight to our chief foreign affairs correspondent Sali Baba, who is monitoring the developing crisis in London. Good evening, Sali.
Good evening, Ali. I’m standing outside the headquarters of the hated Conservative Party, which has come under attack from a violent mob of students protesting at spending cuts. Police stood back as demonstrators invaded the building, smashed windows and hurled missiles.
Were there any casualties?
Miraculously few, Ali, considering one protester threw a fire extinguisher off the roof, narrowly missing a line of police officers. This was the worst unrest in London since the riots against the tyrant Thatcher more than 20 years ago.
Has the trouble spread?
Yes, it has, Ali. In perhaps the most serious escalation, demonstrators broke away from police cordons and ran amok in London’s main tourist and shopping district. There was a major security scare when an official limousine carrying the heir to the British throne, Prince Charles, and his consort, Princess Camilla, came under sustained attack.
Are we likely to see more people taking to the streets?
This kind of lawless behaviour is becoming commonplace. Tour the centre of any British city at night and you will see hordes of young people climbing over parked cars, fighting and vomiting in the gutters.
Is the protest movement confined to students?
No, Ali, it’s much more widespread. A group of militant members of the Upper House occupied the Parliament building overnight in an attempt to stop the unpopular Conservative-led regime from forcing through changes to the electoral system which would ensure a permanent unstable coalition government. They only agreed to come out when the bars ran dry.
Are there general shortages?
Not at this stage, Ali, but inflation is a major worry. The price of basic commodities such as bread and lager has risen by a third over the past year. It now costs an astonishing 90 British pounds to fill a family car with petrol — almost ten times what it costs in Cairo. There is also a looming energy crisis, with Britain becoming almost totally dependent on windmills.
Does the uprising enjoy popular support?
Increasingly, so, Ali. The labour unions are calling a series of strikes which could bring the country to a standstill. Public services in Britain are in a state of disarray, with dustbins only being emptied once every two weeks in most areas. Wild foxes are roaming the streets.
Is there any chance of military intervention?
Highly unlikely. They don’t have the capacity. The defence budget has been slashed to the bone. Planes are being sold off for scrap. Britain now has a fleet of aircraft carriers without any aeroplanes. The Army is overstretched abroad and demoralised at home.
Can Prime Minister Cameron survive?
Difficult to tell at this stage, Ali. The information minister has just been hounded out of office after a vicious assassination campaign in the Leftist media, under the control of the ruthless Guardianista faction. The state broadcaster, the BBC, is firmly in the hands of anti-government forces and is pumping out a remorseless daily schedule of propaganda designed to undermine the regime.
So who might take over?
There’s no natural replacement. The deputy Prime Minister goes home at 3pm every day. The new Opposition leader is closely associated with the disgraced Gordon Brown junta, which brought Britain to the brink of bankruptcy and laid the foundations for the present crisis. Mr Brown himself is believed to be in exile after failing in an attempted coup to stay in power when he lost the last election.
Do we know where he’s hiding?
There have been a number of conflicting reports. One sighting suggested he was now working as an Elvis impersonator in Magaluf. His predecessor, Tony Blair, is of course bringing peace to the Middle East.
Where does the U.S. stand?
The Americans are anxious to support the Cameron regime to stop Britain falling into the hands of militant Islamists, who have established strongholds in a number of cities. They fear that with Bradford and Luton having fallen to al Qaeda, there will be a domino effect and London could be next.
If I can interrupt you, Sali, we’re just hearing that the foreign Ministry here in Cairo has advised all Egyptian nationals in London to fly home at the earliest available opportunity.
That might be easier said that done, Ali. It’s just started to snow here in London and the last time that happened all the airports shut down for a week.
Thanks, Sali. And in other breaking news tonight, we are being told that President Hosni Mubarak has finally agreed to resign. We understand that as soon as he leaves office, Mr Mubarak will fly to London to take up a new position as peace envoy to the United Kingdom . . .
By Richard Littlejohn
Created 10:03 PM on 3rd February 2011
* Comments (71)
* Add to My Stories
Hello, good evening and Alluhu Akbar. Welcome to Cairo Tonight, Egypt’s top-rated news programme. I’m Ali Palli. Let’s go straight to our chief foreign affairs correspondent Sali Baba, who is monitoring the developing crisis in London. Good evening, Sali.
Good evening, Ali. I’m standing outside the headquarters of the hated Conservative Party, which has come under attack from a violent mob of students protesting at spending cuts. Police stood back as demonstrators invaded the building, smashed windows and hurled missiles.
Were there any casualties?
Miraculously few, Ali, considering one protester threw a fire extinguisher off the roof, narrowly missing a line of police officers. This was the worst unrest in London since the riots against the tyrant Thatcher more than 20 years ago.
Has the trouble spread?
Yes, it has, Ali. In perhaps the most serious escalation, demonstrators broke away from police cordons and ran amok in London’s main tourist and shopping district. There was a major security scare when an official limousine carrying the heir to the British throne, Prince Charles, and his consort, Princess Camilla, came under sustained attack.
Are we likely to see more people taking to the streets?
This kind of lawless behaviour is becoming commonplace. Tour the centre of any British city at night and you will see hordes of young people climbing over parked cars, fighting and vomiting in the gutters.
Is the protest movement confined to students?
No, Ali, it’s much more widespread. A group of militant members of the Upper House occupied the Parliament building overnight in an attempt to stop the unpopular Conservative-led regime from forcing through changes to the electoral system which would ensure a permanent unstable coalition government. They only agreed to come out when the bars ran dry.
Are there general shortages?
Not at this stage, Ali, but inflation is a major worry. The price of basic commodities such as bread and lager has risen by a third over the past year. It now costs an astonishing 90 British pounds to fill a family car with petrol — almost ten times what it costs in Cairo. There is also a looming energy crisis, with Britain becoming almost totally dependent on windmills.
Does the uprising enjoy popular support?
Increasingly, so, Ali. The labour unions are calling a series of strikes which could bring the country to a standstill. Public services in Britain are in a state of disarray, with dustbins only being emptied once every two weeks in most areas. Wild foxes are roaming the streets.
Is there any chance of military intervention?
Highly unlikely. They don’t have the capacity. The defence budget has been slashed to the bone. Planes are being sold off for scrap. Britain now has a fleet of aircraft carriers without any aeroplanes. The Army is overstretched abroad and demoralised at home.
Can Prime Minister Cameron survive?
Difficult to tell at this stage, Ali. The information minister has just been hounded out of office after a vicious assassination campaign in the Leftist media, under the control of the ruthless Guardianista faction. The state broadcaster, the BBC, is firmly in the hands of anti-government forces and is pumping out a remorseless daily schedule of propaganda designed to undermine the regime.
So who might take over?
There’s no natural replacement. The deputy Prime Minister goes home at 3pm every day. The new Opposition leader is closely associated with the disgraced Gordon Brown junta, which brought Britain to the brink of bankruptcy and laid the foundations for the present crisis. Mr Brown himself is believed to be in exile after failing in an attempted coup to stay in power when he lost the last election.
Do we know where he’s hiding?
There have been a number of conflicting reports. One sighting suggested he was now working as an Elvis impersonator in Magaluf. His predecessor, Tony Blair, is of course bringing peace to the Middle East.
Where does the U.S. stand?
The Americans are anxious to support the Cameron regime to stop Britain falling into the hands of militant Islamists, who have established strongholds in a number of cities. They fear that with Bradford and Luton having fallen to al Qaeda, there will be a domino effect and London could be next.
If I can interrupt you, Sali, we’re just hearing that the foreign Ministry here in Cairo has advised all Egyptian nationals in London to fly home at the earliest available opportunity.
That might be easier said that done, Ali. It’s just started to snow here in London and the last time that happened all the airports shut down for a week.
Thanks, Sali. And in other breaking news tonight, we are being told that President Hosni Mubarak has finally agreed to resign. We understand that as soon as he leaves office, Mr Mubarak will fly to London to take up a new position as peace envoy to the United Kingdom . . .