Post by Teddy Bear on Jan 1, 2014 17:58:52 GMT
A different way to express the sentiment that most, if not all, of us here have within, at least the first part - in rhyme.
Fairy Gill: How to lose the licence fee yet keep the BBC brand alive
In our radio critic's annual festive address, Fairy Gill the radio sprite suggests a panacea for the BBC
By Gillian Reynolds
Who’s that beneath the mistletoe looking distinctly coy?
’Tis Fairy Gill, the Radio Sprite, aglow with New Year joy!
It makes a change, I know, dear friends, to find her in good cheer.
More suspicious minds than yours might put it down to beer
(A special Elfin brew, of course, one made to her receipt
And powerful enough to knock mere mortals off their feet).
But what has put the bloom back on the Fairy’s little face
Is that her last year’s spell has worked, shrinking the disgrace
Of BBC dosh lost or squandered, schemes that never worked,
But most of all because responsibility was shirked.
The Fairy’s counsel last year was conscience to obey,
Promptly owning up to all mistakes along the way
Lest the Corporation should be perilously maimed.
So when back in October the new DG proclaimed
“We will not be defensive,” “We must listen and reflect”
His words quite thrilled our Fairy whose power to deflect
The shame heaped on the Beeb in every corner of the land
Was proving far too weak for her much longer to withstand
The obloquy, the hate and, surpassing all, that pledge
Made by Mark Thompson, when DG, to go right to the edge
Of how much more the BBC would do for far less money
(While spreading out the pay-offs like expensive golden honey).
Her jaw dropped at his rash pledge that the BBC would pay
For Welsh TV, World Service (and law suits along the way).
Is DG Tony Hall afear’d? No! He brims with vigour
(The Fairy wonders if knows how much he sounds like Tigger)
“The core of what we have to do,” he says, “is innovate,
Harness our creative powers, refresh, regenerate.”
If John Birt was a Dalek, he must be Doctor Who
The Fairy thinks he’d have to be, with all that stuff to do
With vast holes in his budget and promises to keep
Not to mention previous cuts that went so very deep
That all his TV schedules have so many old repeats
The chaps at ITV and Sky are dancing in the streets.
Now he must cut more to find the hundred million quid
He pledges to invest in brand new shows in a big bid
To lead the world in every genre from history to science,
“Risk capital,” he calls it, in a droll verbal appliance.
If Tony isn’t glum at all, then nor is Fairy G
She spies a little chance to get him off the hook, scot-free.
The Fairy knows her history and says “It’s really plain
That what bold Tony could do now is simply to explain
It costs too much to keep such things as Trustees and their Chair.
The Sec of State could then put all Beeb governance in care
Of Dame Patricia Hodgson, Ofcom’s new suprema
Once of the BBC herself , a true Birtist divina.
Who in her Beebish think-tank days explored a nifty plan
To do without the licence fee and yet retain the span
Of what the BBC once did, in future only might
If it persuaded people that more choice is their true right
And thus subscribe, by app or click and purely on demand,
For what they want to see and hear or swiftly understand.
Transition would be gradual, news would stay quite free
On line, on air, around the clock and, of course, globally.
You’d have to pay for Strictly and all that baking stuff
But people would get cash back as the licence shrank enough
To keep Westminster happy, the Worldwide brand alive
And any PM could claim he’d made competition thrive.”
The Fairy winked, then spread her wings to rise on frosty air
“Farewell,” she trilled “and of dear Dame Patricia be aware.”
In our radio critic's annual festive address, Fairy Gill the radio sprite suggests a panacea for the BBC
By Gillian Reynolds
Who’s that beneath the mistletoe looking distinctly coy?
’Tis Fairy Gill, the Radio Sprite, aglow with New Year joy!
It makes a change, I know, dear friends, to find her in good cheer.
More suspicious minds than yours might put it down to beer
(A special Elfin brew, of course, one made to her receipt
And powerful enough to knock mere mortals off their feet).
But what has put the bloom back on the Fairy’s little face
Is that her last year’s spell has worked, shrinking the disgrace
Of BBC dosh lost or squandered, schemes that never worked,
But most of all because responsibility was shirked.
The Fairy’s counsel last year was conscience to obey,
Promptly owning up to all mistakes along the way
Lest the Corporation should be perilously maimed.
So when back in October the new DG proclaimed
“We will not be defensive,” “We must listen and reflect”
His words quite thrilled our Fairy whose power to deflect
The shame heaped on the Beeb in every corner of the land
Was proving far too weak for her much longer to withstand
The obloquy, the hate and, surpassing all, that pledge
Made by Mark Thompson, when DG, to go right to the edge
Of how much more the BBC would do for far less money
(While spreading out the pay-offs like expensive golden honey).
Her jaw dropped at his rash pledge that the BBC would pay
For Welsh TV, World Service (and law suits along the way).
Is DG Tony Hall afear’d? No! He brims with vigour
(The Fairy wonders if knows how much he sounds like Tigger)
“The core of what we have to do,” he says, “is innovate,
Harness our creative powers, refresh, regenerate.”
If John Birt was a Dalek, he must be Doctor Who
The Fairy thinks he’d have to be, with all that stuff to do
With vast holes in his budget and promises to keep
Not to mention previous cuts that went so very deep
That all his TV schedules have so many old repeats
The chaps at ITV and Sky are dancing in the streets.
Now he must cut more to find the hundred million quid
He pledges to invest in brand new shows in a big bid
To lead the world in every genre from history to science,
“Risk capital,” he calls it, in a droll verbal appliance.
If Tony isn’t glum at all, then nor is Fairy G
She spies a little chance to get him off the hook, scot-free.
The Fairy knows her history and says “It’s really plain
That what bold Tony could do now is simply to explain
It costs too much to keep such things as Trustees and their Chair.
The Sec of State could then put all Beeb governance in care
Of Dame Patricia Hodgson, Ofcom’s new suprema
Once of the BBC herself , a true Birtist divina.
Who in her Beebish think-tank days explored a nifty plan
To do without the licence fee and yet retain the span
Of what the BBC once did, in future only might
If it persuaded people that more choice is their true right
And thus subscribe, by app or click and purely on demand,
For what they want to see and hear or swiftly understand.
Transition would be gradual, news would stay quite free
On line, on air, around the clock and, of course, globally.
You’d have to pay for Strictly and all that baking stuff
But people would get cash back as the licence shrank enough
To keep Westminster happy, the Worldwide brand alive
And any PM could claim he’d made competition thrive.”
The Fairy winked, then spread her wings to rise on frosty air
“Farewell,” she trilled “and of dear Dame Patricia be aware.”